Oof. Melanie, why are you in my head? Same same. This time though, instead of throwing in the towel, I did as you did -- questioned and asked why -- also hoping that excavating the roots would free me of the burden.
No. Now I just know why I do what I do ... it doesn't actually stop me from doing it. Grr.
That said, I'm sort of moving forward. There are things that need to be done first and I'll check them off one at a time and I think, check in with myself each time, making sure I am being clear on my why... at least, that's what I'm hoping for.
Ooh and I've made some new thoughts when I come up against it which helps with the baby steps. That's thanks to Tara Leaver's Way of the Happy Artist.
I am trying to learn never to say things to myself which I would not dream of saying to other people.
The endless rumination going back and back over something which happened eons ago that you cannot change?
AARGH. You wrote that the good creative energy perpetuates and creates more. Never forget how it goes the other way too. I finally know that all the time I do this I am feeding the memory / belief / fear / overwhelm. However, knowing something and then stopping it are two different beasts. But baby steps, baby steps. Just noticing I am doing it is a baby step in the right direction. Together with having decided "B*gger that for a game of tiddly winks. These things are in the past and therefore their power over me is passed".
(You can see why I now confine my blogging to the campervan and nothing more important!!!)
EXACTLY!! Our brains love a perpetual loop -- and as I said, it doesn't discriminate. Unfortunately we seem to be very adept at looping on the negative stuff....it comes quite naturally (to me, anyway - and I suspect plenty of others as well). Training to loop on the positive, forward momentum is definitely the way to go...and yes, baby steps. As you say, even just being aware of what we're saying to ourselves is a leap in the right direction. So simple and yet so incredibly difficult. :)
This: "There comes a point when you have to stop examining the mess and start clearing it up. The only way out is through, and all that. "
I need to print that out in BIG TYPE, print it a dozen times and hang it on every mirror, cupboard, the fridge and arrange for some sort of pop-up on my computer every half hour. Brilliant.
It's a bit revelatory, isn't it? lol I spend/spent a lot of time thinking I need to sift through it all and although that's very illuminating, it never actually solves anything. Unfortunately. ;)
Throwing in the towel is the easy option which is, I am sure, why we chose that route. It is so much harder to carry on especially when there are voices of doubt shouting so loudly.
So glad to hear that you found a way through, I do hope that way gets easier as time goes on and it doesn't continue to feel like an insurmountable hurdle that has to be climbed each and every time. I also hope that writing about it has changed things in some way for you.
They say a problem shared is a problem halved, I find this to be true even when sharing is the hardest thing to do, oh the irony.
Writing about it really IS helping....which is why I'm glad I started doing it :D. Then there's also the hope that someone else will recognize a similar pattern in themselves and feel less alone in it all...so it's a win-win.
I don't know that it'll get easier, to be honest, I feel like the wildly swinging pendulum is just how my particular creative process goes....I suspect the hurdles will be smaller and perhaps place further apart so the road isn't quite so strenuous. I'm finding that this kind of self-knowledge is invaluable, though...I still trip but I don't always fall flat on my face these days. Or if I do, I don't lie there quite as long :)
Oof. Melanie, why are you in my head? Same same. This time though, instead of throwing in the towel, I did as you did -- questioned and asked why -- also hoping that excavating the roots would free me of the burden.
No. Now I just know why I do what I do ... it doesn't actually stop me from doing it. Grr.
That said, I'm sort of moving forward. There are things that need to be done first and I'll check them off one at a time and I think, check in with myself each time, making sure I am being clear on my why... at least, that's what I'm hoping for.
Ooh and I've made some new thoughts when I come up against it which helps with the baby steps. That's thanks to Tara Leaver's Way of the Happy Artist.
SO true...just because we know WHY doesn't automatically translate into not doing it. Which feels like a bit of a rip-off, to be honest :D.
And yeah, lots of check-ins and focused questions....*sigh*
My brain relates to your brain 🤣🧠
Haha!! Aren't they just the most exasperatingly wonderful organs?!?
The self-talk?
I am trying to learn never to say things to myself which I would not dream of saying to other people.
The endless rumination going back and back over something which happened eons ago that you cannot change?
AARGH. You wrote that the good creative energy perpetuates and creates more. Never forget how it goes the other way too. I finally know that all the time I do this I am feeding the memory / belief / fear / overwhelm. However, knowing something and then stopping it are two different beasts. But baby steps, baby steps. Just noticing I am doing it is a baby step in the right direction. Together with having decided "B*gger that for a game of tiddly winks. These things are in the past and therefore their power over me is passed".
(You can see why I now confine my blogging to the campervan and nothing more important!!!)
EXACTLY!! Our brains love a perpetual loop -- and as I said, it doesn't discriminate. Unfortunately we seem to be very adept at looping on the negative stuff....it comes quite naturally (to me, anyway - and I suspect plenty of others as well). Training to loop on the positive, forward momentum is definitely the way to go...and yes, baby steps. As you say, even just being aware of what we're saying to ourselves is a leap in the right direction. So simple and yet so incredibly difficult. :)
This: "There comes a point when you have to stop examining the mess and start clearing it up. The only way out is through, and all that. "
I need to print that out in BIG TYPE, print it a dozen times and hang it on every mirror, cupboard, the fridge and arrange for some sort of pop-up on my computer every half hour. Brilliant.
It's a bit revelatory, isn't it? lol I spend/spent a lot of time thinking I need to sift through it all and although that's very illuminating, it never actually solves anything. Unfortunately. ;)
Throwing in the towel is the easy option which is, I am sure, why we chose that route. It is so much harder to carry on especially when there are voices of doubt shouting so loudly.
So glad to hear that you found a way through, I do hope that way gets easier as time goes on and it doesn't continue to feel like an insurmountable hurdle that has to be climbed each and every time. I also hope that writing about it has changed things in some way for you.
They say a problem shared is a problem halved, I find this to be true even when sharing is the hardest thing to do, oh the irony.
Writing about it really IS helping....which is why I'm glad I started doing it :D. Then there's also the hope that someone else will recognize a similar pattern in themselves and feel less alone in it all...so it's a win-win.
I don't know that it'll get easier, to be honest, I feel like the wildly swinging pendulum is just how my particular creative process goes....I suspect the hurdles will be smaller and perhaps place further apart so the road isn't quite so strenuous. I'm finding that this kind of self-knowledge is invaluable, though...I still trip but I don't always fall flat on my face these days. Or if I do, I don't lie there quite as long :)