doing what works

the bread and hermit era continues...as does the manuscript. Oh, and a poll.

may or may not be an accurate representation of the author at work

What’s bread got to do with anything?

Nothing really, I’m just eating far too much bread right now. It’s a winter thing. I can’t ever ignore really good bread and my husband keeps coming home with discounted sourdough loaves. Naturally, being discounted, the pressure is on to eat it before it goes stale.

Suffice it to say, I don’t like to back down from a challenge. Once upon a time I used to bake my own sourdough (no, not in the great baking rage of Lockdown - I objected to that on principle #enneagramfour) but I kept eating it.

Imbolc has come and gone. I remain happily ensconced in a state of relative hibernation. I usually don’t ‘observe’ Imbolc, as the idea of it being imminently spring has always felt a bit like a kick in the teeth in these parts, where spring only wanders in around May-ish, or sometimes doesn’t bother at all and we go violently from freezing to sweltering.

This time around, though, with my finger more accurately on my own seasonal pulse (the absence of daffodils in instagram feeds has certainly helped…by virtue of my inability to be arsed with instagram), I have definitely felt a shift in energy over the past few days. Thusly, I’m writing a newsletter.

perhaps a bit more accurate?

I’ve been doing a great deal of reflecting and considering these past few weeks in regards to where I’m going with this whole writing lark. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve done a great deal of inner work in preparation to relaunch myself in a more sustainable manner, only to get to the lift-off point and find myself wondering if I still wanted to be doing this.

Existential crisis aside, I think it’s an important question to periodically ask ourselves when it comes to our creative endeavours. Well, any endeavours, really. The idea that one could change one’s mind about something, and then act on that mind-changing, is a novel concept for some people, ie. me.

I was raised with the good old working-class British work-ethic that dictated “thou shalt persevere”…regardless of whether you actually wanted to or not¹. If you’ve committed to something (a job, an idea, a hobby, a person), you bloody-well stuck with it. I spent many years doing many things that were slowly eroding my soul, simply because I didn’t think I had a choice in the matter. Then, after the life-changing realization that I did have a choice, I rebounded and exercised my right to quit with wild abandon, usually without giving things a proper chance.²

Somewhere, between martyrdom and flakiness, there lies a happy medium.

Back to the question at hand…did I still actually want to be doing this?

I didn’t have an answer right away. I had to agonize over it for several days/weeks in my journal, as is my way. (I’ve said before that if anyone were to read my journal they would immediately begin to question my mental stability) — I literally changed my mind every. single. day. Sometimes more than once in the course of said day. I got to the point where I could eloquently argue the point for both ‘yay’ and ‘nay’. ³

I won’t go into the details of the things I was mulling over — they’d be bewildering to anyone who isn’t me (or Baldric) — suffice it to say, I was grappling with The Ideal⁴ vs. The Reality; I came to the conclusion that my dilemma is one of capacity.

Hence, we move on to the deep and probing questions:

1. What do I have the capacity for?

2. Given this capacity, is it even reasonable to assume I could make a go of this?

3. How will I (or can I) adapt my ideal vision to the reality of (this season of) my life?

4. How will that make me feel?

(feel free to use these questions yourself…they can be a bit confronting, but yield valuable information)

The Internet⁵ likes to perpetuate the myth that we can, indeed, have it all. And perhaps we can, though I suspect the true cost of that is beyond the means of most of us mere mortals. But it’s an insidious message and it can lead us to believe that if only we worked harder/sacrificed more we could achieve our dreams and goals. The indie author spaces have been extremely guilty of shouting this message for many years and, for a while there, I bought into it.

And then I woke up.

Actually, I burned out but it amounts to the same thing.

Coming back to this writing lark — on my own terms, from a contemplative posture — means setting down rather a lot of that aforementioned Ideal. Or maybe it’s simply a reimagining of the Ideal? Either way, it means lots of things need to change.

For example, I recently did a free course offered by Becca Syme⁶ called Marketing For Introverts (I know, right?) and came to the conclusion that my interest and capacity for doing most conventional forms of marketing is exactly zero.

Obviously, that could have a significant impact on my sales.

I’ve made peace with that.

Taking that weight off my mind, freeing myself from that expectation⁷ (and a few others) has done wonders for freeing up brain-space.

Brain-space that I can now use to get back to the business of writing books.

Speaking of….

Write with me?

I started work on the fourth (and hopefully final) draft of Project Hazel this morning and I was wondering if anyone fancies working alongside me for this next phase? I’m thinking of starting up co-working sessions to help me keep my backside in the chair. These will be hosted on Google Meet (less costly than Zoom). They’ll be very informal, just setting aside an hour to work together on a current project. If there’s additional interest, I’m toying with the idea of slightly more structured sessions that will include the provision of prompts, but that’s a thought for another day.

I’m going to pop in a poll here to get an idea of interest (or lack thereof) and will go from there. Feel free to leave further thoughts/ideas in the comments below.

Once I get an idea of interest/availability, I’ll come up with a schedule that will hopefully accommodate everyone.

This is being offered without charge - I find the increased frequency of barriers to creative opportunities to be very off-putting. If it looks like there’s enough interest to keep it going, I’ll open up the option to throw a few coppers in the hat to cover costs, for those who wish and who are able to do so.

Right, that’s enough for now, I think. Don’t forget to complete the poll (ta very much in advance).

In the meantime, happy writing/creating….more soon-ish,

~m. xo

1. a throwback to my peasant-class heritage, no doubt

2. ie. my entire author career to this point

3. it should be noted here that the ‘nay’ side was being championed by Baldric

4. The Ideal being what I thought a successful indie author career is supposed to look like

5. I use the capital letters to denote a collective mentality of one particular branch of the digital world…namely the one soaked in hustle culture and just-work-harder propaganda. Obviously, this does not apply to the branch concerned with cute cat videos.

6. You can sign up (free) for Becca’s Patreon and gain access to a full library of Author4Life courses (they’re being trickled out over the course of the year)…a truy generous offering and of immense value.

7. This was not an easy thing. It took a while.